SOUND AND FURY

The classic conflict of an individual and society acquires a special meaning in the context of my Russian life, as it reveals an acute dilemma between my innate patriotism and equally innate elitism. Throughout my life, I never ceased to admire the men and women of World War II, who were not some abstract notion, but the real men and women around me, who had withstood Hitler’s aggression, and had prevailed. Examining Russian history, however, I found there both admirable achievements and heroic feats, but also other, less admirable things…

The great Russian legend of Gostomysl, the Novgorodian Elder, whose advice to invite a foreigner to rule Russia with an iron hand was followed, in 862 AD, by the invitation of the Scandinavian warlord Rurik, who went on to found the Rurik dynasty, lasting until the Romanov dynasty was established in 1613, to last until 1917. Ironically, the Romanovs, even though Russian by name, were mostly foreigners too, and predominantly of German descent. “Why foreigners?,” I asked myself, and eventually came to the right conclusion that it was the Russian Orthodox Church, which bestowed ‘Russianness’ on the Russian people, even though back in 862, with Rurik, it could not possibly have been the case. “Why Rurik then?,” I asked myself, and found the right answer in the Russian amazing capacity to appropriate everything that was the best about the world, thus becoming a repository of the great Western Civilization.

This realization naturally fed my elitism, but it also created many more questions and conflicts. If Russia is about the best, what about the worst of the Russians around me, then? The real scum, whose only” redeeming value” was their Russianness? Could my Russophilia extend to these too?

Then, what about the official Soviet hypocrisy, which spread silly lies and effectively restricted freedom of speech, as if designed to produce a credible impression that all was perfect within the Soviet system, when everybody knew it was not so? What a waste it was to discredit the Soviet system in such a way, when it was sufficient to show the advantages of it alongside its shortcomings, and to demonstrate that the resulting balance of the package was in fact so positive that it would speak much more eloquently on behalf of the system than any deceptive and manipulative propaganda could possibly accomplish! Thus I understood only too clearly that the worst of all Soviet faults was not ingrained in the system, but in the paraphernalia of that system, namely, its inept and self-defeating propaganda. It was the latter, which when thrown on the negative scale tipped the balance toward the overall negative. And I also realized that the system was stuck to its propaganda in that ugly way just because it could not help it to be otherwise.

There were many questions. Being as close to Russia’s “good, bad and ugly” as I was, it was the offensiveness of the bad and the ugly, which was obstructing my view of the good. By the same token, being too far removed from the other side, I could not properly discern its own badness and ugliness, being too small--- because of the distance--- compared to the badness and ugliness I saw every day at close range.

Thus, in a strange way, there was one way for me to fully appreciate my Russianness, and to reconcile my one with the all, and it was to gain a sufficient distance between myself and my Russia, to properly discern every good thing about her without being distracted by the downside.

Too bad that, like a space journey to Jupiter, it had to be a one-way ticket…